Playing the dozens encourages and at times becomes bullying, plane and simple. Real constructive criticism should be consistent. That means if you need work on a behavior, it should be obvious to more than one person. If your harshest judgements are from the people closest to you, you are not birds of a feather. If you are a leader and you have trouble motivating others, consider why. That means look in the mirror and ask yourself why you're hard to follow. Leadership is not forced. True leaders edify and inspire others to grow and change for a greater good and not their own. You must make efforts daily not to use your authority to benefit and glorify self. A transformational leader may use various tactics, but they never include bias, judgement, hipocracy and abuse. Love, service, and self sacrifice (the foundation of leadership) require the courage not to take advantage, kick someone when they are down, or sabotage them when they are ahead.